Rachel (saveahippie) wrote,

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Silent movies in my head they play

House sitting has left oh such a void for contemplation, how frightening.  But it comes.  I'm thankful to have had friends over for at least an evening.  All in the same it's been an alleveiation to have space for myself.  I'm sure if I get a place for myself I will have all the lone time imaginable. Still I hope it happens and doesn't fall apart around me, though I do understand that my parents are much wiser financially than I am and their discouragement is towards my benefit in the interum.  But I'm stubborn and unsure, so I move forward and hope I'm not always wrong. 

I think I may be at a brief point in time where I can be ready for things that belong on the backburner to indeed dwell there.  While I still frequently sabotage myself into dramatic reeling postions over that which has happened and is happening, unfixable with my hands, it doesn't scare me as much as it used to to be without people who I want to be bothered by not being with me. In more circumstances than not I wish I had a different reaction than what came. And who's to know if that really changes the other's reaction anyways.  Some are just poised to fade away from you however it is possible.  I make it very possible now, maybe that could make it easier to get over. I suppose it's all a pretty vague and unmemorable thing to blah about in a semi public forum.  But it's good to whine sometimes.

Erica's was a fairly simple move, and with positively the best shower curtains you'd ever be lucky to see.  Good choice, peach. 
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